


beware of the happily ever after

by debvors



Category: Elementary (TV)
Genre: F/F, Modern AU, nobody is a detectiv nobody is a murderer, so many repressed feeling about this relationship, this is my soul right there
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2020-12-16 06:24:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21031703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/debvors/pseuds/debvors
Summary: She doesn't believe in happiness and she doesn't believe in faith but somehow they will end up fighting against it.





	1. a never ending story

**Author's Note:**

> i absolutely love this duo and i've been obsessed with their dynamic ever since they met on the show so here is a modern AU where they are just making their way through college and life in general

Joan is at the checkout of the bookstore, fidgeting with a fountain pen and feeling improperly dressed in one of Sherlock's band tee. In her defense, she had woken up late and it was the first thing she saw before running to the nearest subway station.

She could feel the stares of the customers on her, judging her musical taste, probably finding it questionnable and it was.

Sherlock had the habit of liking bands that nobody else liked but him, he could find depth and make sense of the dumbest lyrics. Because of that she wasn't taking offense in these people doing, what she was taking offence in was the fact that these customers didn't even bother asking for her help, because they thought _she_ had bad music taste. She wants to come up to them and tell them that this place is in the first place a bookstore and that they shouldn't feel so crossed about stupid tees but she doesn't because it's way more fun to see them ask Marcus above anyone else in the store for help.

Marcus has horrible taste in music, in fact nobody ever let him choose the music for any kind of event, it is _horrendous_. He is aware if it and she's way too pleased to watch him fumble over his words and recommending albums that she wouldn't listen to even if she was tortured.

"Watson, it is very cruel of you to watch our dear Marcus struggling with such a smile on your face," says Sherlock next to her. She still hasn't figured out why he is not in his working area and lingering in her space.

"I should wear your shirts more often, it literally scares customers away."

She's still smiling from amusement when he throws at her one of the free bookmarks laying on the counter. She wants to throw at him the entire stack but she can feel Ms.Hudson disapproving gaze on her at the very end of the store. She's better off not upsetting her, she's a very sweet person but when she's angry it becomes something you wish to never see again.

A young lady enters the store then, with so much confidence that if Joan wasn't working here for years she would have thought she was the owner. She doesn't even spare Marcus a second glance as she makes her way toward the checkout, narrowing her eyes at Joan's shirt instantly.

"I hope you are aware that you have a very questionnable taste in music, Miss," declares the woman almost immediately.

Joan resists the urge to roll her eyes and smiles as fake as she can at the rude customer.

"Can I help you ?"

"You obviously can't," she says gesturing at Joan's shirt once more, "but your colleague on the other side..." And the end of the sentence is definitely flirty.

Joan looks over at Sherlock who seems already really invested in his new task and this time she rolls her eyes at the both of them.

"Well, I'll let you to it then, I'll be at _your_ section doing _your _work _Sherlock_."

He doesn't even acknowledge her remark and is already drinking whatever words she's telling him. Men, she thinks are so predictable when it comes to women and she understands all these mythological books about mermaids luring sailors into the deep end of the ocean. It's like a spell is being thrown upon them and they can't seem to think straight anymore. She's glad to have more discernement in her, she's not immune but she at least knows how to function around beautiful women.

"Movies... Movies... ah yes! Over there!"

Joan sizes up Marcus as he makes her way toward her. She isn't in the movie section and Marcus, even if he is a new addition to the team, knows his way around the shop. It can only mean one thing.

"Let me introduce you to my colleague Joan, she knows more about soundtrack than anybody else here."

He has a triumphal smile on his lips, he knows she can't say no to this. She loves original soundtracks, she could listen and talk about them for hours but not now. Not when this man is eyeing her up and down, clearly doubting her capacity.

"He's looking for a composer but he can't remember the name of the movie in which he heard the tune."

Joan stares at Marcus for a moment, wondering if he thinks she's some sort of clairvoyant because this man has clearly no idea of what he's after.

"Well, do you remember some scenes of the movie ? Key moments ?"

The man scratches his beard before gesturing vaguely in front of him. He seems to be mimicking some kind of snake with his arm.

"It's, you know, this kid who's flying around on his dog horse or something like that and I'm pretty sure in reality the whole thing is just a dream and it's flying like that I think."

He's gesturing once again like it's helpful and Joan is just frowning because none of this is making sense and he's talking really fast like he's scared he will forget. Marcus is staring at him like he is possessed, slowly backing up and she knows she's going to be left alone in this.

"I'm presuming it was a fantasy/adventure kind of movie, is that correct ?"

"Well, yes there were these strange creatures and the whole thing was weird to be honest."

The man is looking quite distraught by the description and Joan is wondering for a moment if he's not talking about _Pan's Labyrinth_ because only this movie could provoke this kind of look in someone's eyes. But she knows that's not it, there is no dog horse and flying around in this movie.

"Could you describe to me this 'dog-horse' please ?"

The man starts explaining how the horse has a dog head but it doesn't really have a horse body it's just how he 'felt' the body was at the time. He then proceeds to explain that the creature has fur and a kind face, probably because it should not scare the kids.

Joan hears somebody snickers and sees Sherlock against one of the bookcase near her section. He has this mocking smile on his face and the same woman from earlier at his side, sizing her up suspiciously. Joan desperately wants to flip them off but she cares for her job and she doesn't have time for childishnesses.

She's a second away from saying to Sherlock to leave when it hits her, it is a children movie. _Obviously_.

"Wait a second Sir, is the movie you are talking about a movie for children ?"

He nods dumbly, as if it was an evidence from the start and she rubs her temples with one hand.

"The movie wouldn't happen to be _A Never Ending Story_ ?"

"Yes, that's the one !"exclaims the man, drawing unnecessary attention on them.

Joan smiles, because it's so rare to see somebody so happy about finding the music they were looking for. She then leads him toward the designated section, putting the CD in question in the CD player and giving him a pair of headphones. She skips through all the songs, playing the title track she knows he will remember, Limahl really did a good job on this one.

She watches him as he nods his head, putting his hand dramatically on his heart, his eyes staring into the distance.

"That's it, that's the one I was looking for,"says the man putting the headphone back in place,"you are a very talented lady."

"It's my job,"shrugs Joan,"do you want to pay now or do you want to look around for a moment ?"

"Oh no, I'm done ! I've already visit three other music stores and they didn't put any effort in trying to find what I was looking for."

The man seems really sad about this and Joan gives him a tentative smile, he seems to be a nice guy just not a really straightforward one.

She finally makes her way towards the checkout smiling smugly at Sherlock while he just sticks his tongue at her in return. She doesn't spare the woman a second glance, she is already getting on her nerves.

A few moments later she's holding the door, saying goodbye to the man who has been thanking her for five minutes straight now. He finally leaves, thanking her once more before running toward a kid who was just exiting a shoe store. She observes them for a moment, smiling softly before getting back to the check-out.

Sherlock is leaning on the counter with his elbows, the same damn woman by his side. She knows what he is going to ask her, it's written on his forehead.

"Yes, I'll take your shift and yes I'll cover you if Gregson shows up but you are up for a week straight of doing the dishes,"announces Joan, looking pointedly at him. She's not joking and he knows it.

"Thank you Watson, you are the loveliest person I know."

Joan rolls her eyes but smiles nonetheless, he's lucky she loves him. She gestures for him to go, nods politely at the woman whose eyes are an icy kind of blue and starts checking the receipts. The door closes with a ringing noise and she finally lets her shoulders relax. She had been tense the whole time this woman was here and judging by the way Sherlock was behaving she was going to see her again around the store. She's already tired of this.

"You are too nice Joan,"softly says Ms.Hudson, a pile of books in her hands.

"You know it's not a place for him, he has too big of a mind for this."

She doesn't mean anything degrading about the job, she knows Ms.Hudson knows it. Sherlock has always been a big thinker, he was a philosopher in a way and Joan had been surprised when he had asked her if he could work at the bookstore with her. She had immediately passed Sherlock's CV to Ms.Hudson, she knew his knowledge on history and sciences would get him in but it wasn't a job for him. It was a boring job for somebody like him. Joan herself knew she wasn't going to stay here forever but Sherlock seemed to linger for no reasons at all.

"Maybe love, but it's where he's at now, and he better takes it seriously from now on. Gregson isn't that blind."

Ms.Hudson was always like this, giving advice discretely in the course of a conversation. She knew a lot more than anybody could think about and it's no surprise that she saw right through Sherlock's disappearances. Joan knew that it wasn't harming Ms.Hudson's job but when it will she knew she would take matter into her own hands and Sherlock wouldn't last long anymore.

Joan wants to say thank you but she knows it is unnecessary. She lets Ms.Hudson pat her back gently before she disappears once again. She isn't exactly worried for Sherlock but she still makes a mental note to talk to him at the end of the day.


	2. tour eiffel aux arbres

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock is out of his mind, Joan has too much on her plate and Jamie is intrigued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just wanted to thank everybody who took the time to give a feedback and/or leave a kudo, it really means a lot and i'm very happy you like the story so far!

Joan is opening the door of their apartment when the said door pushes hard against her. She stumbles a few steps back before opening the door once again more fiercely. She hears a quiet thud and right there, on her living room floor is the woman from the bookshop. Joan blinks several times before scowling at the blonde who is rubbing her tight exaggeratedly. Joan didn't even pushed the door that hard.

"Where is Sherlock ?"she asks not bothering checking on the annoying presence in her apartment.

"Go check yourself."

Joan rolls her eyes, this woman is a literal child. She crosses the living room taking the hallway leading to Sherlock's bedroom. He is sitting on his bed, topless with his bed covers wrapped around his waist, what looks like a very complicated puzzle in his hands. Joan tries not to cringe at the fact that he is probably naked under all of this and run a hand through her hair.

"Sherlock,"starts Joan,"do you care explaining why the woman from earlier is in our living room's floor?"

"The floor?"

"Yes, I might have pushed her accidentally when I opened the door but it's not what's important,"groans Joan,"what's important is that you broke the rule : 'no conquest shall set a foot in this sanctuary'. And this is _your_ words Sherlock."

He scratches the back of his head, he clearly has no excuses and doesn't even look half sorry for it. Joan knows Sherlock is a man with a certain libido and that is why they established this rule in the first place. Joan had spent too many sleepless night listening to strangers moans and screams of pleasure. She still has nightmares about it.

"I know Watson but she won't stay a conquest very long, I fully attend on elevating her at the rank of permanent companion."

Joan nearly catches herself on the door handle. Sherlock is crazy it is the only explanation. Him, the one and only Sherlock Holmes wants to commit to a relationship. It can't be possible.

"Sherlock, you've known her for less than a day ! There is fifty percent chances that it's the endorphine talking, you can't be serious."

"I didn't think you were the type of person to disapprove of a relationship,"frowns Sherlock as if there wasn't any problem at all,"I have to say I am pained to hear you say such things."

He crosses his arms then and his expression reminds her of the one she saw earlier on the woman's face. She is going to have to deal with two children, _great_.

"What's her name?"

"Jamie Irene Moriarty Adler,"he says proudly and Joan swears she has never seen his face lit up like this.

"And what does she do in her everyday life ?"

"She's studying biology Watson, isn't it fascinating ? She told me about all the different subjects she's studying, she specializes in molecular biology and _that_ is interesting."

Joan nods, because there was nothing she could do to make him change his mind. When his brain is set on something it's a lost cause.

She leaves the room, checking the living room and noticing that thankfully _Jamie_ has left. Joan never had a problem with any of Sherlock conquests, and she had met too many of them but this one is different. Sherlock seems infatuated by her and nothing healthy comes from this kind of relationship.

Joan plumps herself on her bed, staring at the ceiling and eyeing her medical textbook apprehensively. She has exams coming up and so far she had aced them, more often than not she was being questioned by her pairs because it seems impossible to have a job while majoring medical school and honestly she doesn't know how she can do it either. For some time she thought that all this willpower came from the need to impress her mother, to prove her that she could meet and exceed her expectations. But now she knows that she is doing it for herself, that she is the master of her destiny and most importantly the responsible part of her own failure or success. She doesn't need to put on herself unnecessary pressure anymore.

She knows what she wants to do after all of this, she already has something plan and she knows that if she didn't have this set she wouldn't be going anywhere. She's the kind of person who needs purpose in life, Sherlock calls this kind of mindset naive and delusional but that's what is working for her. Sometimes she worries that's exactly what Sherlock is missing, these purposes that he thinks are so childish and unnecessary. He's hiding from something but she just hasn't figure out from what yet.

-

Sherlock, Jamie thinks, is an interesting human being. In fact, it is the most interesting one she has ever meet. The way his mind works amazes her, the way he looks at the things surrounding him obsesses her and the place Joan Watson hold in his heart troubles her. Because Jamie always has everything she wants and when she wants something she wants it entirely, _fully_ and she can't have Sherlock like this, he made it clear.

In truth, what is even more fascinating is that he doesn't even notices it. He doesn't see the way he puts _his_ _Watson_ on a pedestal, how she seems to have put all the stars in the sky and made everything right in his life. Watson is his person but Jamie never comes second, she made sure of it her whole life. Watson is an inconvenience, a bump in the road.

Jamie guesses that everybody in their life attaches themselves to a random person, somebody who's not that special but that we like for some reason and Joan was probably that person for Sherlock. It has to be because Jamie had met her, she didn't struck her as a singular mind, she was a regular asian woman with, maybe, an above average kind of beauty but that was it. How she caught Sherlock attention stays a mystery, a mystery she has to resolve if she wants Sherlock the way she does.

She follows the path the bikes and pedestrians made on the grass in the park, Jamie doesn't live far from Sherlock and Watson's home. When she takes this shortcut across the park it's a ten minutes walk. She lives in an apartment complex where a lot of students are sharing apartments, thankfully it is not her case. Her parents, while totally absent from her life, made sure she had a decent apartment for herself, away from the noises and the distractions. She had told Sherlock she was living in the campus apartments, he didn't need to know because she's not going to make him come into her place. She cherishes her privacy, something Sherlock clearly does not since he jumped on the first occasion to makes her come in. The annoyed face of Joan Watson vaguely flashes in her mind before disappearing as quickly as it came. This woman really is a thorn in the foot.

She's looking for her keys when she catches sight of a man she desperately tried to avoid the whole week. He's leaning against the railing in front of her door, a smirk on his face partially obscured by his hand stroking this nasty mustache he desperately tries to grow.

"Mycroft."

She sees him straighten himself as she puts the key in the lock, his heavy cologne hitting her nose like a bad smell. She's pushing the door open when she realizes he intends on entering, she smiles darkly at herself before facing him.

"You are not expecting an invitation I hope, because you'll have none."

"Why Jamie should you be so mean to me, we had some good times,"he says smugly and Jamie wants nothing more than to stab him in the face.

"It was a mistake and not even a worth it one. I hope you improved or I'll feel obligated to feel sorry for your partners."

She's wearing an expression of fake pity and she sees him bitting back some mean remark. He walks away then, not bothering carrying this conversation. She smiles contently and finally step in her apartment.

The faint smell of paint hits her instantly as she relaxes on automatic. There are tubes of paints everywhere, half finished canvas at various places in the room, paints on furnitures and brushes on the ground. It's a mess and not at all how she presents herself on the outside, it's her little secret, her little sanctuary and she'll protect it with her life.

She hangs up her jacket, wincing at the pain shooting through her shoulder before picking up the nearest paint brush, Sherlock really went all in.

She wasn't fond of people leaving marks on her and she avoids it as much as she can but Sherlock was a lot more than enthusiastic and she now has scratches on her back, tights and at the back of her neck for some reasons. She will have to cover them and just thinking about it already annoys her.

Jamie takes one of the many stools standing around her apartment and sits in front of the painting she is currently working on. It's a reproduction of one of the painting of Robert Delauney : _Tour Eiffel Aux Arbre_s. She had witnessed it at the Guggenheim Museum and she had been obsessed ever since. The destructive way he worked his way around the painting really struck her at the time : how the Eiffel Tower was the only solid thing on the painting while its surroundings demolished themselves. Deep down she knows she yearns for this kind of consistency in her life because more often than not everything seems to slip through her fingers. The only thing she was the master of was of others and that is why she takes care of having the upper hand at all time in any relationship. Its was a necessity.

Unfortunately Joan Watson already has it.


	3. weird behavior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joan just wanted to run and get to work unfortunately, she has to deal with some unwanted altercations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the lateness! i took way too much time reviewing this chapter, trying to find any mistakes but here it is ! hopefully i did an ok job also happy halloween i guess🤷

Joan is doing her morning run around the park when she sees her a week later. She’s leaving an apartment complex where a lot of parties has the habit of taking place. She slows down her cadence watching Jamie as she carries what looks like a canvas under her arm. She’s walking cautiously, avoiding so much human contact that it’s almost scary. She ponders her possibility before running up to her, she’s centimeters aways from her and Jamie still hasn’t notice her. She seems deep in thoughts and a little bit in a hurry, Joan is reevaluating her choice when blue eyes suddenly anchor themselves on her.

Jamie stops walking immediately and Joan who was still running is now a few step ahead of her. She turns around, catching her failing to school her face, she’s reaching out for her face when Joan notices the faint paint stroke on her cheek. It’s blue, but not the usual kind of blue, Joan wonders how she got it right.

"What are you doing here ?"says Jamie and it’s like she accusing her of following her, Joan is a second away from laughing.

"Running?"

"At this hour?"

It’s barely eight in the morning but if she doesn’t do it now she’ll never have the time during the day. She walks closer to Jamie and makes a show of eyeing her up and down.

"You know, I’m not a genius but I’m practically sure you aren’t running to your morning classes with this big ass painting and this stroke of paint on your face. Are you going to an art gallery ?"

Jamie looks away briefly before pursing her lips. Joan has struck a nerve and she feels oddly proud of it. 

"It’s none of your business."

"If you say so."

And Joan smiles, a genuine smile because for some reason this feels like winning and she keeps running. When she gets home she eyes Sherlock bedroom door before disappearing in her own. She has a lot of materials to review for her night classes and she still has to work at the bookstore in the afternoon. Jamie’s weird behavior can wait a few more hours. 

Marcus is at the counter when she finally set a foot in the store, he’s trying really hard to type something on the register but his hand keeps trembling. She hurries toward him, giving him a side hug before silently asking if he needs help. He gestures that’s it’s OK and Joan puts her name tag on her shirt, staying by his side.  
  
She didn’t really catch the full story the first time, because Marcus is always very vague about it and is clearly not ready to talk about the event, but it’s something related to a car wreck or a robbery while he was in a car. It was _really_ vague at the time but ever since his hand won’t stop trembling and he sometimes struggles to do tasks as simple as typing on a keyboard. His tremors are generally more pronounced when he’s stressed out so it's a little bit weird to see him like this at this time of the day. 

She’s making her way towards the mystery and horror books section when she sees the reason for Marcus’ anxiety. Gregson is talking very seriously with Ms.Hudson, Joan has the impression that he is trying to hide himself but he is a big man and can be clearly noticed by anybody in the shop. He’s wearing his signature suit, a dark grey one from which he only switches the tie as if it makes a whole new outfit. The color does make his blue eyes pop, she’ll admit that.

There are very few customers in the shop and even when it’s crowded it’s relatively silent making the whispering of the two individuals even more noticeable. Joan busies herself by checking the tidying of the different books, putting some back in place and doing some unnecessary quality check. She’s nearing the end of the mystery section when Gregson comes up to her.

He’s way taller than her, and she has to crane her neck a little to meet his eyes. He’s smiling gently at her when he sticks out his hand. Joan has always liked him, he was a good owner and thanks to Ms.Hudson management the shop was thriving. She never had any problems with him, she is a good employee, always on time and she takes this job at heart so she isn’t really anxious by his presence. 

"Hi Joan, how are you doing today ?"

"I’m doing fine thank you and you ?", replies Waston as Gregson’s hand weights uncomfortably into her own.

She’s not really fond of platitudes and neither is Gregson, Ms.Hudson had told her about it during one of their many conversations around the shop. She’s waiting for the real reason of this talk, they both know he is not fooling anyone and that he should just get to it. Judging by Ms.Hudson face she’s not thinking any less of this situation. 

"I know you and Sherlock Holmes are really close friends, and I’ll admit that this may not be an ideal situation for you but I’ll ask you to be as honest as you can." 

Gregson is looking straight into her eyes, his gaze not faltering for a minute and she wonders briefly if he thinks she really believes he has this much faith in her. 

"Do you think Mr.Holmes has a place in this team ?"

"Well, yes,"simply starts Joan,"I’ve been working here for three years now and I’ve never met a better seller for the history, geography and sciences section. We always struggled to sale any books from there, they are generally expensive and way too specific to appeal to the generic customer. But Sherlock has a way with words, Ms.Hudson probably told you all about it,"Joan looks over at her and smiles, she’s doing a good job,"now everybody seems interested in molecules, sarcophagus and lost civilizations, even I started to look up into these things when I don’t have the time for it. Because of these reasons I think that, yes, he has a place here." 

She had thought about this, she had known it was going to happen thanks to Ms.Hudson and she feels rather proud of herself even when Gregson is looking at her with all the skepticism in the world. 

"Thank you for your honesty Ms.Watson, I’ll see if Sherlock thinks as highly of you when I’ll question him."

Joan almost let the surprise shows on her face but catches herself just in time. She nods and watches him go back to Marcus, who’s trembling hand can be seen from across the shop now. She knows Gregson is bluffing, her job is not in danger but it doesn’t make the move any less weird. If he thinks he can bring them against each other he is really mistaken.

"I won’t tell you that he’s just doing his job because you know it, but don’t take it personally. Times are hard for businesses owner."

Joan watches Ms.Watson, the woman of wise words disappearing between the shelves and sighs. She’s not going to sleep much tonight, that’s the only thing she’s sure of. 


	4. a cup of tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock and Jamie drink tea, Sherlock is being a child and Watson just wants to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry for the delay, i know it's been a while and i don't have any excuse except that i wasn't feeling like posting (???)  
anyhow, this is a chapter where tea takes a relatively big part for some reason and i don't have any explanation for it really...  
thank you for your patience and i hope you'll enjoy this chapter!

Jamie was oddly anxious when she met up with Sherlock two days after her encounter with Joan Watson. She was practically sure that Sherlock was going to ask her about it, to demand some kind of explanations but it never came. The day went by smoothly and he never mentioned anything related to this moment even when he mentioned that _his_ Joan seemed particularly tired and that she should rest more. He obviously hasn’t really measure the enormity of the work a medical student had to put through. Jamie is impressed, she’ll admit that, because Watson isn’t looking half bad for all the things she’s doing. It’s really a miracle that she even takes the time to do a morning run.  
  


It’s with that in mind that she’s staring at Joan’s running shoes, neatly arranged near the door. She’s sitting on the sofa while Sherlock is making tea for the fifth time today, it’s like an addiction and she doesn’t have the strength to tell him that she only drinks one kind of tea. She’s stuck drinking Earl Grey and trying not to feel completely disgusted by the beverage.  
  


"Watson should be back soon,"starts Sherlock coming back from the kitchen and putting a full tea cup in front of her,"she is in charge of the closing-time today."  
  


He says it so lightly, with such an excitement in his voice that Jamie wonders if he forgot he was supposed to be the one doing it today. Sherlock for all the magnificent things that he is truly struggles to see the simple things like the efforts put by other for him. It’s a kind of egocentrism and Jamie knows she suffers from it too but Sherlock is so far gone that she wonders why Joan Watson is even bothering.  
  


The person of her thoughts suddenly opens the door, bringing in with her the hivernal cold. Her nose is red and she’s still struggling to take off her boots when she sees her. She says nothing and Jamie is almost disappointed.  
  


"Sherlock, tell me you did not make a teapot of this sickening tea again ?"  
  


Sherlock looks suddenly guilty and Jamie smiles from amusement, she has never seen him like this.  
  


"I told you earlier today that I wanted White Monkey tea."  
  


Jamie’s eyebrows go all the way up her forehead. This tea is a rarity, one she only had the chance to taste once in her life in its home country : China. It’s the only other tea she can bring herself to drink along with the Darjeeling tea.  
  


"I never know how much I can put in the infuser, you like this tea too much and you can be very scary Watson."  
  


Joan rolls her eyes and Jamie almost feel sorry for her. She knows what a good cup of tea can do.  
  


"You know what ? I’ll just be in my room studying, probably until I die from exhaustion so please, no fucking tonight."  
  


And just like that she’s not here anymore and Sherlock is left with an affronted look on his face.  
  


"Can you believe that ? She’s keeping us from doing something that every single human being needs, it’s a natural thing. We need this release and I know Watson can work perfectly with only four hours of sleep, I’ve seen it."  
  


Jamie stares at him, not really believing what she’s hearing because he can’t be serious.  
  


"She just needs calm, exams are coming up Sherlock."  
  


"Yeah, whatever we should go to your place."  
  


Jamie stands up, takes her scarf off the back of the sofa and goes for her coat on the hanger.  
  


"There was a flood last week in my building unfortunately but I know a motel if you want."  
  


She adds a suggestive wink at the end of her sentence even though she already know he’s going to say yes. Sherlock hops on his feet and they are out of the door in less than a minute. 

*******

She’s checking her phone while Sherlock is getting dressed up when she sees a notification on Sherlock’s phone. Watson is written in capital letters on the screen, the content of the text hid. She reaches up for it before throwing it at Sherlock who catches it easily. He swipes his thumb across the screen, the device unlocking itself instantly. Even though Jamie knows if someone really wants to get into a phone a password is useless she still find it careless from Sherlock’s part. 

  
"Oh shit ! I gotta go, Watson needs me."  
  


He kisses her softly on the forehead before heading out hurriedly, fumbling with his button-up shirt he desperately tries to shove into his jeans. Jamie’s not really a fan of the look, well... she isn’t a fan of any of his look to be honest. His pretty face, however, does a remarkable job at making that fact forgettable. She still wishes that Watson would teach him how to dress, she knows how to dress herself and Jamie just knows she’s the only one who could have the patience to teach Sherlock that fashion sense.  
  


She gets up from her bed, puts rapidly her clothes from the night before back on, checking the smell. She gathers her hair in a ponytail, brushes her teeth, takes her bag and heads out. She’ll take a shower when she’ll get back from her classes, she only have morning’s one.  
  


She hates being in a rush but she couldn’t let Sherlock know of her schedule, him showing up after one of her classes was one of the worst scenario she could imagine. Her privacy, she’ll admit that, is easily threatens and even if for some people this would be mindful or cute it’s suffocating for her. She prefers leaving it this way.  
  


Still she knows she won’t be able to keep it forever, this peace. She feels the tension building up in Sherlock’s mind, the way he grabs her more fiercely every time they fuck, the way he holds her gaze, watches her move. She knows sooner or later he’s going to ask her to make things official and honestly it’s the next logical step. She’s going to say yes, obviously, she still has a lot to discover about him but she’s not in a hurry either.  
  


She won’t say she doesn’t do relationships because it’s cliché and she do does them just not for an elongated period of time. She gets bored easily and there is only so much unpredictability in a person before you’ve explored everything. She knows she’ll have to stay with Sherlock more time than usual but she doesn’t really mind the change as long as it has an end. She’s not fond of the happily ever after, in fact, she firmly interprets it as some kind of twisted mindset.   
  


But she’ll crack him up eventually and she can’t wait for this day already. 


	5. Ms.Watson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ms.Watson makes an apparition for the best and the worst.

"She appeared the fuck out of nowhere !"whispers yells Joan hid behind a wall in the hallway.   
  


"She probably just want to say hi, you don’t know !"  
  


Joan watches as the woman standing in front of her door hits the door once more with her small fist. She’s smaller than Joan, hair barely grazing her shoulder, almond eyes with a face she knows is splashed with freckles. She got them from her.   
  


"She’s never here to _just say hi_ Sherlock, she’s here to make my life harder than it already is ! I should leave, I definitely should leave."  
  


"Watson, you’ve been standing here for thirty minutes if you really wanted to leave you would have, instead you texted me,"reasons Sherlock,"now, we are going to meet her there and be as nice as possible so she can leave rapidly, okay?"  
  


Joan puffs her cheeks, she doesn’t like this plan or any plan involving her mother, even more when Sherlock is involved. Her mother hates Sherlock. He admittedly represents everything her mother doesn’t want her to become so this hatred is understandable in a way. She takes Sherlock by the arm and makes her way toward her judgmental mother.   
  


"Mother."  
  


The mood is already solemn and she’s half expecting her mother to say that somebody is dead but it’s just her natural aura. 

Joan opens the door without waiting for an answer and Sherlock lets her mother goes before him in a desperate gesture of kindness. Her mother is a lost cause but she appreciates the effort.   
  


Her mother makes herself confortable on the armchair as she disappears into the kitchen followed by Sherlock who immediately starts looking for these biscuits that they buy specifically for the tyrant impromptu visits. Joan is putting water in the prettiest teapot they own before putting it on the burner, the White Monkey tea waiting sagely on the counter.   
  


"She doesn’t seems particularly angry,"whispers Sherlock coming behind her to take the tea cups in the cupboard.   
  


"It’s all on the inside."  
  


She opens the tea ball and puts a copious amount of tea in it, wincing when a couple of leaves fall on the kitchen floor. This thing is really expensive.   
  


"Go back to your mom I’ll take care of carrying these."  
  


Joan smilles gratefully at him before entering what has become the devil’s home. Her mom has her hands on her lap, she seems perfectly calm and at ease but Joan knows better. She has heard enough of how much she hates this place when she first moved in a year ago, it’s a miracle that she’s even here in the middle of the winter. She probably has some big announcement because her mother didn’t braved the cold of New York City for nothing.   
  


"To what occasion can I owe you this visit ?"  
  


She had always been closer to her father, every interactions she had with her mother were always this formal even after the death of her father. They were never close and she preferred seeking comfort from her brother than her own mother. There had never been anything warm between them and it wasn’t about to change.  
  


"I’m here to talk about your relationships, or rather, your _lack_ of relationships."   
  


Sherlock enters the living room then, a plate in his hands. He places the cups in front of everybody before sitting beside Joan. It’s not the first time her mother mentions the absence of boyfriends in her life, in fact it’s one of her favorite subject broach so Joan isn’t particularly bothered by Sherlock presence.   
  


"We already talked about this mother, aren’t you glad that I’m focusing on my study rather than going out with some people?"  
  


"I am dear Joan but I’m not talking about these relationships, I’m talking about friends."  
  


Sherlock and Joan exchange a look, _this_ is new. Joan has friends, she never even had any problems finding ones and she’s really troubled by her mother’s sayings.  
  


"Mother, I have friends,"counters Joan and she feels a little bit like a child saying this sentence.  
  


"I know but you only have _male_ friends, you need more female energy in your life and you’ll see, you’ll get a man in no time."  
  


Honestly, it is true. She wouldn’t consider Ms.Hudson her friend, even though they are close, her only other friends beside Sherlock are Marcus and Alfredo and there effectively is no women in sight. But it doesn't bother her, she never felt like she was lacking something.  
  


"She has one, her name is Jamie. It’s my girlfriend."  
  


Joan whips her head so hard that she fears she broke her neck. She _hates_ Jamie, she had told Sherlock no later than yesterday when she was a little bit drunk on cheap wine. He was fucking with her.   
  


"Really?"  
  


And Joan hates with all her being the happiness she hears in her mother’s voice.   
  


"Yes, she’s coming over tonight for dinner if you want to stay and meet her."  
  


At this point Joan knows Sherlock won’t leave this apartment alive, he just won’t. Her mother is nodding enthusiastically, and Sherlock seems proud of himself probably not thinking of the fact that it’s literally ten in the morning and they will have to deal with her an entire day.   
  


"I can call you a cab if you want and I’ll send one back to yours for you to come by later,"hopefully asks Joan.   
  


"That’s a good idea, I can’t wait to meet your friend Joanie."  
  


The smile her mother gives her is so genuine that she wants to throw up. Her mother is proud of her for nothing less than a lie, a poor lie for that matter. She’s going to see right from the start that Jamie and her are nothing but friends.   
  


Sherlock signed her death certificate in bold letters.   
  


As soon as the door closes behind her mother Joan is all up in Sherlock’s personal space. He hates it, she doesn’t care.   
  


"What the fuck Sherlock ?! Me and Jamie, friends ?! I hate the girl and my mother is far from blind, you and I are dead as soon as she discovers the truth,"yells Joan, hands twitching with anger and probably anxiety.   
  


"She won’t kill us because she won’t find the truth, Jamie and you are both very talented actresses,"rationalizes Sherlock, "I’ve seen you both in the act and if you put your hearts into it she won’t even notice this weird quarrel you are both participating in."  
  


"We are not in a ‘quarrel’ and you can’t fake a friendship like that, I literally know nothing about her except what you’ve told me which is that she’s a genius and very good in bed."   
  


She’s going to combust, this is not real life, this is a prank pulled by whoever Joan pissed off. She doesn’t want to play best friend with one of the most annoying person she has ever met, she doesn’t want her mother to think anything of Jamie because if she likes her she’s doomed. This is where lays the real problem, if her mother likes Jamie, and she’s shuddering just thinking about this, she’s going to want to see her again and Joan will have to live through conversations about how amazing Jamie is and how she’s good to Joan. So it’s either that or death and she’s not sure what she prefers yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading this chapter!
> 
> i already have a couple of chapters written i just need to be more consistent in my schedule and i hope i'll be able to provide you with a chapter regularly.
> 
> have a good day and take care!


	6. meet-up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie learns that she has to participate in the worst scenario possible and that Joan's possibly the most annoying person on Earth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's kind of a long one but I like how Joan and Jamie interact here.
> 
> I hope you'll like it.
> 
> Take care.

Jamie notices her as soon as she leaves the building, she’s sitting on a bench with a book in her laps and glasses she had never seen before on her nose. The medical building in nowhere near the biology building so she knows she’s here for her.

She makes her way toward her and she can already see guys from her class gathering around Joan, full of hope and probably already imagining a future with her. She wants to laugh but she prefers crashing their reverie by standing in front of Joan.

"Well, Jamie you should sit because you won’t be pleased by what I’m about to say."

It is an understatement, this is unacceptable. In which world is she going to eat with Joan’s mom while being Sherlock’s girlfriend and Joan’s friend?!

"This idea is pure shit, "finally explodes Jamie.

Joan laughs loudly, eyes crinkling at the corner and hair falling in front of her face, Jamie’s mesmerized.

"That is a good resume of the situation,” says Joan catching her breath, “it’s a wonder that Sherlock is still alive and honestly this does not make me happy _at all._"

All frivolousness is gone from her face and Jamie can see the rest of her anger behind her eyes. She knows if she had been in Joan’s place Sherlock behavior would have been an act of treason and she probably would have punch him in the face but then again, she wasn't Joan.

The woman seems to have a somewhat close relationship with her mother or at least she values what her mother thinks of her enough to keep up with Sherlock shitty plan. It’s strange because Joan doesn’t seem like the type of person to take any shit from anyone but again, she knows nothing about her, and this is the first of their problem.

"So we have to make up a story about how we met and I know this look like a fake dating kind of mess but my mother _is_ that intense about any relationships I have in my life and I can’t go there making a fool of myself,” explains Joan. "I guess we have to have met before you and Sherlock did because you two know each other for what? Four weeks now? And I don’t build friendship in such a short amount of time."

"Let’s go for the cliché then, we met at the library bounding over chemicals or I don’t know, then you introduced me to Sherlock because you two are best friends or whatever and that’s it. Sherlock and I story should stay the same, the closer to the truth this story is, the better it will work."

"Bounded over chemicals, _wow_,” Joan’s laughing again but Jamie is not sure if it’s because she really finds this funny or if she’s literally breaking down.

"We are in the shit, we are so deep in shit, _oh my god_…"

It’s definitely a mental breakdown and now Joan has her head in her hands and her book has fallen from her lap and Jamie’s lost. She didn’t ask for any of this and she certainly did not ask to comfort Joan Watson. So, Jamie does the next logical thing and do absolutely nothing to help in any way just because she doesn’t know how and doesn’t really care.

She stares at the ground and the red cover of Joan’s book catches her eyes. She picks it up, it’s an old edition, she’s practically sure and the cover is in a bad state. She wipes down the dirt from the ground and watches as the fading gold letters unveiled themselves. It’s “_The Catcher on The Rye”_, she has never read the book even though it’s a classic and seems to be in every curriculum. The only thing she knows about the book is that he made a lot of noises back in the twentieth century and that John Lennon signed this book from his killer just hours before his death. It’s an interesting story to be surrounded by she’ll admit it, but Joan had to like this book on another level because this edition doesn’t look cheap sparring its poor state.

"So… is it your favorite book?"

Joan looks up, her eyes aren’t red and Jamie’s thankful she won’t have to deal with teary eyes today. She snatches the book from Jamie’s hands before seemingly correcting her defensive behavior with a smile. Jamie is confused and Joan puts some of her hair back behind her ears before gently touching the book.

"It is, you haven’t read it?"

Jamie says no with her head and Joan seems genuinely surprises.

"This book will catch your heart and you won’t even notice it until it’s too late,” softly says Joan and it’s kind of terrifying. She’s not sure she’s ever going to read it now.

"The best part is that you don’t even know why, it doesn’t make any sense and I know it's the kind of book that will mess you up."

Jamie’s eyes grow wide as she feels herself blush for some reasons. She looks away and draws deep breath trying to calm her traitorous heart. What the fuck is Joan playing at?

"By the way, do you have any hobbies I should be aware of?"

"I… paint?"

Why did she hesitate? Why did she not lie altogether?

"It does explain the huge canvas and the paint stain… Sherlock never mentioned it."

Joan is frowning but she seems sincerely interested and Jamie doesn’t like all these feelings she’s having. She’s showing her cards too much, this relationship with Sherlock didn’t involve an overly curious best friend.

"It never came up."

"Just like the fact that you don’t live on the campus never did?"

And it is said so innocently that anybody else would’ve missed the bite Joan added at the end of the sentence, anybody but her. She looks over at her and Joan is daring her to lie to her face, she’s ready to bite back at any false explanation that will leave her mouth and Jamie squeezes her jaw so hard that she might draw blood. She has been caught red-handed, she suspected that Joan would put two and two together after their altercation in the park, but the latter seemed to have forgotten about it and Jamie dumbly thought so too. Now she has to face her lie and she’s annoyed by it.

"It did not."

Joan gets up and Jamie won’t pretend she doesn’t know what she’s about to say and what she’s about to do.

"I think you will be agreeing with me when I say it is only fair that your _best_ _friend_ see where you live."

This doesn’t make any sense, but Jamie still nods, and they are on their way to her apartment. It’s silent, uncomfortable and she feels like a misbehaving child who’s about to be punished. She doesn’t like this aura that Joan has, this power she has without noticing it. Joan is not random; Joan has power and determination and it surprises Jamie at a level she did not expect.

She guides Joan through the apartment complex even though she seems to already know the place and she wonders if she caught sight of her when she wasn’t paying attention. She points at the wobbly step in the stair and Joan rolls her eyes for literally no reason before stepping over it.

"Joan Watson! What a surprise!"

And just at their right is a running Mycroft on his way, he takes Joan in a crushing hug and Jamie actually has to step back to not get hit. She notices that Joan is not reciprocating the hug but it’s probably because Mycroft is blocking her arms with his.

"What are you doing here my love?"

"I’m visiting my friend Jamie over there."

She’s pointing at her and she’s doing a good job at pretending she’s happy to be with her. Mycroft frowns, probably disapproving Joan’s taste in friends but he doesn’t comment. He probably fears her, as he should, this woman is unpredictable.

"I’m surprised that you don’t know her,” adds Joan.

Jamie narrows her eyes at her, she couldn’t possibly know about their affair.

"Oh, I do but I don’t think we are talking about the same reasons."

"She’s Sherlock’s girlfriend Mycroft."

Mycroft eyebrows shoot so high that Jamie is practically sure she sees him stumbles back. For her part she doesn’t see what is so shocking about it and why Joan is mentioning it to him above all people. She doesn’t have to announce her relationship status to all their mutual acquaintances.

"Jamie, this is Sherlock’s brother."

And it’s Jamie’s turn to nearly collapse on the ground. Jamie is sharing a panicked look with Mycroft while Joan is just standing there, arms crossed probably coming to the horrifying conclusion Jamie knows is coming.

"You two _fucked_, I can’t believe this!” exclaims Joan and her hands are now on her hips, she’s looking disapprovingly at the both of them.

"Joan, Joan, Sherlock can’t know," panics Mycroft," it was a one-time thing that happened months ago we don’t even see each other anymore!"

Jamie would take offense in how much he’s justifying himself for getting involve with her, but it is a problematic situation and Joan now has even more information on her than before. It’s making her dizzy.

"I won’t, but you two should gather your shit quickly because if it didn’t even take me five-seconds to figure this out, Sherlock will know instantly."

She’s warning them, she won’t back them up on this. It’s them and their bullshit against Sherlock scrutinizing gaze and way too perceptive mind. Jamie can’t even blame Joan for that, she would’ve done the same.

"Now, we better go Jamie and I have things to do,” Joan grabs her arms and Jamie only stares at it,” it was nice seeing you Mycroft we should have a drink sometimes."

Mycroft is still trying to formulate a coherent sentence suddenly very flustered when Joan forces them to walk. A few meters later she opens the door and unwillingly let Joan in, who surprisingly linger at the entrance. Jamie goes to open the curtains and the windows, picking some paint brushes up on her way. When she turns back around Joan is still at the same place looking politely at her surrounding if such a thing is possible.

"You can sit you know," says Jamie amused.

Joan frowns but do as told, putting an empty canvas on the ground. Maybe she should tidy up her apartment sometimes. She sits next to Joan, not bothering pushing back some of the utensils still on the sofa. If Joan is going to invade her living space, it’s only fair she invades her personal space.

"So, what did you learn by coming here?"

Jamie does not hide how much this is annoying her because there is no point. They aren’t really friend, she doesn’t need to be polite.

"That you are fucking messy, what is this mess? Nobody told you that this place needs a serious clean up?"

The audacity of this woman is beyond her, insulting her place when she’s asking for her help. Also, why is she swearing so much all the time?

"But you are very talented I’ll admit that, I almost though you had robbed this painting," she’s pointing at a reproduction of Woman Ironing from Picasso. It’s a painting he did before opting for his signature style, she loves it.

"Yeah, I manage."

She’s never been humble about her works; she doesn’t know where this is coming from.

"You are full of shit," laughs Joan and Jamie smiles hesitantly, "why didn’t you take an art major you are way better than most of the one I’ve met."

Joan doesn’t say it like a compliment, she says it like a fact and it’s weird to hear it like that. She’s not trying to flatter her, and nobody ever talked about her paintings without trying to do that. Whether it’s when she’s trying to sell a painting or doing an exhibition, she’s being showered by compliments but not now.

"Well, biology just makes me think harder, I guess. I need this to fulfill my mind if that makes any sense."

Joan nods but stays silent and Jamie’s not really sure what they are supposed to do.

"I played the piano for 10 years before I broke my wrist doing teenagers stuff with my brother, "starts Joan, "I’ve never had the willpower to start again even though I was good. Medical school helps me forget that I don’t have that in my life anymore, after all, it is consuming all my time."

The smile she gives her is all sad and wrong on her face, Jamie doesn’t want it to be here anymore or ever. She doesn’t know what she would do if she didn’t have painting anymore, it’s an escape for her even though she loves what she’s studying. She can’t imagine herself doing biology all day, every day.

"Is this why you took this job at the bookstore?"

"Yes, partly, I also need the money," she laughs, passing a hand through her hair, “but it feels nice to be surrounded by books and music too. I’ll say you should come by and I’ll help you out, but I have poor taste you know, "she teases, and Jamie cringes a little.

"About that…"

She remembers vividly the day she found the shirt she had so passionately criticized on Sherlock’s bedroom floor. She felt a little bad afterward, she’ll confess and Joan bringing it up once again wasn’t helping.

"Don’t mention it,” she gets up, wipes her hands on her jeans for some reason before turning to face her, "I’m going to head home, take a shower and you’ll meet us at the house. Be there before six so we can both prepare physically and mentally for this hell of a night."

They awkwardly shake hands, or rather, Joan is laughing at how awkward she’s being and then the apartment is empty again and she’s alone with too much thoughts to process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No more promise for quick update, I guess the next chapter will come when it's time.
> 
> I thank you for your never ending patience and I'm always happy to see your comments even though I'm bad at replying... 
> 
> If you found any mistakes or have any remark do not hesitate, I'll be happy to read them and improve.
> 
> Once again, thank you.


	7. the eyes are the mirror of the soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie finally meets Joan's mother and Joan gets answers.

She’s on Sherlock and Joan’s couch a few hours later, sitting next to Sherlock with Joan pacing in front of them. She noted almost immediately the effort they both put in their outfit for the night, Joan with a white blouse and a necklace she doesn’t dare look out for the end and Sherlock with a black polo Joan probably bought for the occasion. She doesn’t regret her choice of wearing a dress for tonight.

“ So let’s recap,” starts Joan still pacing back and forth before them, “you two should act like a couple but not too much so my mother doesn’t go into cardiac arrest,” she then points at herself and Jamie, “we should act like friends whatever this may mean.”

Joan is definitely a mess and Jamie really feels for her because they can fuck this up real bad. She had no friends, she never felt the need to have them and she always lost touch with the people she had an affinity with. Very early on into her teenagers years she decided that she would not worry herself with relationships she didn’t have the time to maintain.

But Joan does, she worries for her friends; she worries for her mother; she worries for others, but not for herself. She’s somebody who could be fearless if she wanted to, but she weights herself down by carrying others. Jamie could never do that, it’s a stupid thing to do.

“Watson, everything will be fine,” reassures Sherlock, “Jamie and I know how to behave and you know how to make people feel like they are already your friend, if you put a little more effort into doing it this time and that Jamie tries to be receptive we’ll be okay.”

Joan finally plops herself next to her on the sofa, letting her head fall on Jamie’s shoulder and she tries hard not to freeze all together. Friends don’t freak out when they touch one another, she has to start by this.

“Well, we don’t really have a choice, have we?” Joan mumbles her answer.

Jamie feels the roughness of Joan’s voice through her entire body and she suddenly wants to check if it’s not Joan’s entire face pressed against her shoulder.

She feels Sherlock take her hand, probably mistaking her tense demeanor for apprehension, but he couldn’t be more wrong. She can see the tip of Joan’s black hair gently brushing her forearm, nearly touching the hand that she slightly tucked under her tight. She feels her hand twitch and she can’t believe how much her body is trying to betray her, to make her touch the onyx hair.

Joan moves slightly, her cheek taking its place on her shoulders and she wishes she had wore a long sleeves dress because it is all too much suddenly.

The doorbell rings and the contact is lost as fast as it came. The hand under her tight jerks a little inexplicably at the loss. She’s watching Joan’s back while ignoring the concerned look Sherlock is sending her. He could be incredibly smart but so ignorant it’s almost infuriating.

A small woman enters the house, a large green coat on her back and what seems like a bottle of wine in her hand. She’s smiling brightly and one look at Joan tells her that this is not her usual demeanor. She goes to greet her, Sherlock’s hand resting on her back like a reminder of something she didn’t quite forget, and the hug she receives is definitely over enthusiastic.

Jamie can see Joan cringe over the woman’s shoulder. She restrains herself from backing up suddenly, too much human contact always make her frigid and she has to be as warm as she can tonight. Joan’s mom let go of her and it surprises her to see Sherlock being greeted by an emotionless handshake. He seems used to it and she notices how he tries very hard to be an extra once of nice when he says “Ms. Watson”. Why Joan’s mother is happy to see her and upset to see Sherlock is beyond her. These two live their lives together.

Joan gestures to the three of them to sit at the table, near a floor to the ceiling window not too far from the living room. She sits in front of Sherlock while Joan’s mother is at the head of the table, Sherlock is fidgeting with the cutlery but it isn’t from nervousness. He’s probably a little embarrassed to let Joan bring all the food like she’s a maid, but Joan’s mother is an old fashion kind of woman and it’s the best thing to do. At least that’s what Jamie tells herself, even though she feels a bit of guilt creeping in.

Joan emerges a few minutes later, with the starter and a basket of bread like they are at some fancy French restaurant. She has a kind of apron wrapped around her waist like she had been cooking and Jamie notices a small burning mark on her right wrist which definitely wasn’t there before.

She doesn’t have the time to dwell on it as Joan disappears once again inside the kitchen, leaving behind her a heavy silence. Sherlock is immersed in the contemplation of his glass of wine and Joan’s mother is staring intently at her. Jamie tries to smile, but she already knows it came out wrong, probably a little too tight.

“So, how did you meet my daughter? I haven’t heard of you before, which isn’t surprising given the fact that Joanie is a very private person.”

Jamie folds her hands in her lap, she can see right through the fake friendliness of Joan’s mother’s voice, it’s dripping with something close to disdain but not quite.

“At the library actually, I’m a bio-chemistry major and I was looking for a book on particles and it just happened that your daughter was looking for it too,” she puts a strand of hair behind her ear, hoping to look more normal, “the library is quite big but only one copy of this book was available and so we shared it and started talking just like that.”

Her story is believable, Sherlock seems to believe it and Joan’s mother too. She’s smiling softly, as if her daughter had accomplished something great, as if she hadn’t already passed the last few years working like a slave for her studies. Recognition isn’t something Jamie particularly seek, but she knows Joan is worth being recognized.

“Is that true sweetie?”

Joan is finally back at the table, and Jamie’s sure she sees a shiver run through her as she tries to sit properly. Maybe she isn’t the one Joan has to worry about because between the both of them she’s the one behaving the most naturally since the beginning of the evening.

“Yes, I mean I spend practically all of my time there. It’s nice to have a study buddy now.”

_Study buddy_, Jamie absolutely hates the term and Joan knows it too because she’s failing to hide a smirk. Sherlock is smiling faintly, and it’s just by accident that her foot hit Sherlock’s knee while she is crossing her legs, _obviously_.

“It is,” smiles Joan’s mother, “and how the both of you happened?”

Joan’s not listening to Jamie and Sherlock’s story. In fact, she had zoned out the moment her mother had asked about their relationship. She’s not doing good, not at all, she can barely believes that her mother isn’t seeing through this tissue of lies. Her hands were shaking when she served the starter, she nearly fell off her chair when her mother let the pet name voluntarily slipped and she was gripping the cutleries so hard that she was confident she could bend them.

This was stupid, trying to prove to her mother that she really had a girlfriend when she was perfectly content with the small group of friends she had built over the years. It wasn’t bad to have an all-male group of friends; it wasn’t like she was avoiding girls, she just had found her closest friends in men. But there she was trying to impress a mother that didn’t care about her all that much, for whom she wasn’t ever going to be enough and who was more worried about people’s opinion than her daughter well being.

Sherlock is still talking to her mother, and for once she seems interested when she comes back to her senses. The both of them didn’t seem to have noticed her spacing out but Jamie is gauging her unsurprisingly. She scolds at her before excusing herself to leave in the kitchen. She feels the warmth of a body behind her as soon as she enters the room. Jamie corners her near the sink so that her mother can’t see them inside. Her hands grip the sink behind her, while Jamie invades her space a glimmer of anger in her eyes. She’s towering over her, and Joan’s hating it.

“You are going to get us caught,” says Jamie through gritted teeth.

Her hair is falling from behind her ears, she’s holding herself with the counter next to the sink and Joan can smell her perfume. She wants to push her away, and she practically does, but she really doesn’t want her mother to come here.

“I’m trying my best, if you didn’t notice I’m not used to pretending.”

Jamie scoffs, as if it’s a joke, and comes closer to her, the silver freckles in her eyes becoming more visible.

“This,” she takes a hold of her burned wrist, “isn’t just from nervousness, you are afraid, Joan.”

She gulps, tries to free her wrist, but Jamie’s grip is firm and authoritative. She tries to create some distance by pushing Jamie’s chest only resulting in the latter forcing into her hand. Joan’s briefly sees a flash of what Sherlock is so obsessed with, this intensity, this madness that seems to lie beneath this woman facade and Joan’s not afraid, she now understands.

She grips Jamie behind her neck, making her loose balance and practically fall into her, and whispers into her ear, chest against chest.

“I’m never afraid.”

She suddenly pushes Jamie back, making her stumble outside the kitchen before checking the dinner in the oven. Her heart is beating fast, and she prays that Jamie has left the kitchen as soon as she went back on both legs. She wasn’t too sure of her previous move, but if she had seen right, Jamie wouldn’t bother her anymore. It felt good, letting go of some of that pressure.

Thankfully, when she gets up with the burning plate of roast chicken Jamie is back at her seat, chatting with Sherlock and her mother.

The rest of the meal goes by faster than Joan thought it would, her mother didn’t really payed her that much attention Sherlock and Jamie having taking care of entertaining her. She had shared a few reassuring looks with Sherlock and had not met Jamie’s eyes again the whole evening.

She is now holding the door for her mother and Jamie, who desperately wants to leave. She is gripping her fur coat around her, telling her mother about how it was handmade while guiding her toward the entrance. Joan gives a quick hug to her mother and shares an awkward side hug with Jamie before they are out of the door. The quiet suddenly invades the apartment and Joan falls on the couch, resting her head on Sherlock’s lap.

“It was exhausting, I’m never doing this again.”

“I liked it, your mother finally acknowledged my existence,” jokes Sherlock, poking the side of her head.

“Yeah, I figured you’d like the attention.”

He shoves her a little, and she laughs, deep and short. She covers her eyes with her arms and exhales harshly. She suddenly wants to do something illegal, to do something rebellious to wash over this perfect facade she had put on. It had been a nightmare, pretending to be flawless, to be happy. She wants to tell the world to fuck themselves, but maybe that was a bitover the top.

“You did good tonight, I’m convinced your mother believed every single thing we told her,” reassures Sherlock,” she liked Jamie and approved of this friendship which we know isn’t often.”

“I just hope she won’t want some dinner party or Christmas reunion because that will be a no from me.”

Sherlock smiles down at her, she can only see the bottom of his face but she smiles too. She loves this man with her whole heart, sometimes she thinks she might cry at how intense and pure this love is. How enough she feels in his presence and she thanks whoever made this possible every single day because Sherlock is her soulmate in this life and in all the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading and for waiting for the most irregular updates in the world.😩
> 
> i hope to see you soon with another update and you can always find me on tumblr at maewrite and now on twitter at @maeisuseless. i'll be happy to talk with about your ships or anything really! 
> 
> have a good day and take care. love you.


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